Baby
by anarchytissues
Summary: Parody. Szayel and Ishida were going out for a long time, it wasn't the ideal relationship in the slightest. What with Szayel cheating on him with Nnorita on the side. Then Ishida breaks up with Szayel for Aizen. He then spirals into a deep dark angsty depression set to Baby by Justin Bieber. This is a parody. Seriously.


_**You know you love me, I know you care  
Just shout whenever, And I'll be there  
You want my love, You want my heart  
And we will never ever, ever be apart**_

Szayel sighed, slumping against the couch as he felt the phone in his pocket vibrate. He dug his hands into it, slowly pulling it out and swearing under his breath about kicking someone's ass if it was who he thought it was. He flipped the device open, rolling his eyes at the e-mail. It was Ishida… again.

_"Are you busy?  
-Ishida."_

He quickly replied, considering ending the relationship over e-mails and not in person. Then again, that would be a pussy move.

_"No, Not Really. Why?  
-8"  
_  
_"I have to tell you something obviously. I'll be at the McDonalds near my school.  
-Ishida"_

Fucking Ishida was dragging him out again. That fucker better be ready for his throat to be devastated again.

_**Are we an item? Girl quit playing  
We're just friends, What are you saying?  
Said there's another, Look right in my eyes**_

Szayel showed up, pushing up his glasses as he scanned the crowded building for his slut of a boyfriend. He grinned, waving gently, when he saw the Quincy sitting at a booth in the corner, sipping on a milkshake. He pushed himself past the screaming kids and the fat asses stuffing their faces with fat faggot food until he made it to the booth.

"Who the fuck is this, Ishida?" Szayel asked flatly, seeing that there was someone sitting next to his man, his arm around his shoulders.

"My boyfriend," Ishida responded, his voice just as flat as he took another sip from the straw before looking over at the man sitting next to him. Szayel looked at the man again, coughing when he realized who it was.

Sosuke Aizen, who was smirking like all the jackasses do.

"What the fuck Ishida."

"I figured you would find out anyway. Why the fuck do you care, I know you suck Nnorita's cock every fucking day," Ishida spat out, throwing the now empty milkshake across the table, as if he was trying to hit Szayel but missed. "I'm fucking breaking up with you, is what I'm trying to say anyway. Now go get me a McFlurry, because fucking Aizen won't do it."

"Fuck you, go get it yourself you AIDS infested slut."

"That might require me getting off my ass though."

Aizen smirked, stifling a laugh, opening his mouth to speak; but Ishida, being a total slut, shut him up by shoving his tongue down his throat, staring at the pink haired man with an amused look in his eye.

Szayel grabbed the empty cup and threw it at Ishida before stomping out of Mickey D's like a child.

_**My first love broke my heart for the first time  
And I was like  
Baby, baby, baby ohhh  
Like baby, baby, baby noo  
Like baby, baby, baby ohh  
I thought you'd always be mine, mine  
**_  
Szayel sat on the couch, anxiously waiting for a text message from Ishida, one saying that he was stupid for going along with that fucker Aizen. That he wanted him back, saying that Szayel had more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch and was a better fuck. The pink haired man then grabbed the TV remote and threw it at the stereo that was currently playing that Panic! At the Disco song, whiny fuckers weren't helping his mood with their song about NTR.

The text message never came. He attempted to try to keep his mind off the fact that he had been dumped by a diseased slut that sucked dicks for a living for an illiterate fuckhead with a mullet. He tried to keep his mind on his little voodoo dolls and science experiments/torture sessions/BDSM sessions with his clients.

Fucking Ishida crawled back into his mind.

He sighed, slamming his head against the tiled wall as Nnorita slipped a lubed finger or two into his ass before fucking him in the shower. Szayel realized how much of a fucking hypocrite he had been, letting out a shuddering moan as the taller espada pounded away at his ass, since he was fucking Nnorita behind Ishida's back.

Yeah, he was annoyed with Ishida and the constant text messages and the phone calls, and considered breaking up with him. But, he wasn't actually going to do it. He actually cared for him, secretly hoping that he would get that text message where Ishida was complaining about whatever the fuck was bugging the shit out of him that day.

Nnorita whispered something into Szayel's ear, but he didn't hear it, for Ishida was on his mind. That fucking quincy's face and voice haunted him.

Szayel reminded himself that he didn't devastate that queer slut's throat like he originally planned to two weeks ago. Ishida was so desperate for cock and money that he would probably suck him off anyway.

He smiled at the thought. He'd win him back somehow. He was sure of it, and no more of this Nnorita bullshit. Szayel was going to treat Ishida right and not cheat on him or whatever.

And he needed to break it off with his brother, Yylfordt, before Ishida found out. Shit with Nnorita was fucking obvious; he didn't need to know that he fucked his brother. He just knew that Ishida would judge him for it.

_**Baby, baby, baby ohh  
Like baby, baby, baby noo  
Like baby, baby, baby ohh  
I thought you'd always be mine, mine (oh oh)**_

"Are you really that fucking pathetic that you pay me to suck you off?" Ishida said, pushing up his glasses, as he looked at the money in Szayel's hand before tearing it from his fingers, quickly counting the small stack of bills. Satisfied, as it was more than men usually paid him, he stuffed it in the small purse that matched his current slut wear; white go-go boots, shiny red plastic dress and fishnets.

"Shut the fuck up, I know how much you love cock anyway."

"You always did taste sweeter than the others," Ishida said, smirking up at Szayel, obviously teasing him as the other got his dick out.

Ishida was not ready for Szayel fucking devastating his throat though.

_**For you, I would have done whatever  
And I just can't believe, we ain't together  
And I wanna play it cool, But I'm losin' you  
I'll buy you anything, I'll buy you any ring  
And I'm in pieces, Baby fix me  
And just shake me til' you wake me from this bad dream**_

Ishida didn't take him back obviously; Szayel laughed at the thoughts he previously had the past few weeks. The fact at the back of his mind that Ishida thought that Szayel was a fucking prissy ass queer, and this meant something since it was fucking Ishida of all people, and he wanted a man.

Or something fuck; when Szayel looked back on it, he didn't know a fucking thing about Ishida. In fact, the only reason they were together was because Szayel got that faggot fired from Burger King. And Ishida liked his cock enough to be 'exclusive' to him for a few weeks and whatever.

He laughed, falling back on the canopied bed decorated with red silk sheets and heart shaped pillows because he was a fruity fucker.

He started to cry.

_**I'm going down, down, down, dooown  
And I just can't believe my first love would be around.**_

"What the hell is wrong with you, you've been mopey and shit for two weeks."  
It was only two weeks?

"You're really dragging me down with your emo bullshit, so go fuck yourself until you get the fuck over it."

The door slammed, shaking the cupboards and the dishes inside them.

He was alone again.

_**And I'm like  
Baby, baby, baby ohh  
Like baby, baby, baby noo  
Like baby, baby, baby ohh  
I thought you'd always be mine, mine**_

Szayel didn't know they had taken pictures on the one semi-normal date the two went on. Ishida stood perfectly still, in his blue shirt and skinny jeans, while the two were in the photo booth. He didn't smile that much, but Szayel was glad that the Quincy was willing to let his talented lips curl into a tiny smile for the two minutes that they were in the booth.

Szayel decided to try to make the picture more interesting by doing the peace sign (surprisingly not feeling like a total ass for doing so) and doing the stereotypical couple-y things that the couples in movies did when they got their picture taken.

It was one of those machines that let you choose the frame and color onto it  
with a pen and decorate it with stupid things. The machine printed to pictures on stickers, the eighth espada wondered if Ishida still had his half of the sticker-picture-whatever you wanted to call it.

He liked the one where he was kissing Ishida on the cheek (no reason really, just because it was cute) the best. It was because of how Ishida's cheeks slightly changed color, though it showed up too well thanks to his pale skin when the camera took the shot.

_**When I was 13, I had my first love  
There was nobody that compared to my baby  
And nobody came between us who could ever come above  
She had me going crazy, oh I was starstruck  
She woke me up daily, don't need no Starbucks**_

"Oh wow, the little Quincy is working here now~"

"Fuck you, you're working here too."

"I distinctly remember you saying that you wouldn't be caught dead working here~"

"I'd rather work here than at McDonalds, since Aizen thinks that Burger King is shit and wouldn't eat here ever."

Szayel wondered how he didn't catch onto the Aizen thing before their little relationship had started.

_**She made my heart pound  
I skip a beat when I see her in the street  
And at school on the playground  
But I really wanna see her on a weekend  
She know she got me dazin' 'cause she was so amazin'  
And now my heart is breakin' but I just keep on sayin'**_

He had to be honest with himself; he had always found Uryu Ishida attractive; with his slim body, raven hair and harsh blue eyes. He couldn't help but wonder how it would be if Ishida was fucking broken and only served Szayel.

Apparently, this was a thought that everyone seemed to have about the Quincy, though there were slight variations with each person.

It was a small, tiny attraction. He didn't really expect to get infatuated with that flaming faggot.

_**Baby, baby, baby ohh  
Like baby, baby, baby noo  
Like baby, baby, baby ohh  
I thought you'd always be mine, mine**_

Cutting.

He was so used to doing it to other people, with how he got off on the little science shows he had, but the thought of cutting himself didn't really cross his mind until recently. He never saw the appeal. What would that do?  
Of course he knew that the endorphins released probably had something to do with it.

He stared at his forearms, smiling slightly as he admired how pretty his skin was, only for that smile to fade quickly. What use was it if Ishida wasn't the one touching it and complimenting him on it?

A song played on the radio; Szayel couldn't help but… relate to the lyrics. It was sung by a young boy, American or somewhere around there. It sounded like the child hadn't gone through puberty though.

He laughed hysterically as he slumped down the wall in his bathroom. His amber eyes staring at the cupboard, there were pills he could pop in there…

And razor blades.

_**(I'm gone)  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
(Now I'm all gone, now I'm all gone, now I'm all gone)  
Gone, gone, gone,(gone)  
I'm gone.**_

He hissed at the delicious feeling of the thin blade slicing through his pale flesh, it was as if the ugly feelings he had been feeling for the past month were pouring out of the wound like the blood that was currently soaking into his fabulous white outfit.

He had to thank this Justin Bieber for sharing this song with the world.  
**  
end**


End file.
